Darn those balloons and thank goodness for quick thinking of others

What else could be more terrifying to me than a balloon bursting just behind me without warning. Everybody was shocked as no one was expecting it. But i nearly dove under my chair and i was so shocked i couldn't cry and basically started to fold together. My care nurse knew how to catch me from totally folding in together. By quickly shouting my name to get the eye contact. So we kept the eye contact but the rest of the round i was holding on to my chair for dear life. Holding my breath and holding back any tears. Not here not now- not everyone knows my vulnerability. i am the strong one- maybe i am strong because I show my vulnerability? If i talk about the shame about dissociating- if i talk about the shame of having borderline personality disorder,- if i talk about the shame of not being able to have my kids by me. Maybe the shame won't be so debilitating.