Mistrust and sensory overload

It is as simple as being in a grocery store on a busy day- a store i am not used to - the way people move where to be wh's coming who's going and where i am in this whole mess of it.  I just don't trust my awkward sense of space and my own awkwardness that comes with having CP and how I process the world around me.

This also explains part of why skiing and biking really don't do anything for me.let alone driving- i am way more relaxed being on a train. ( i still need my skills even going on the tram in the morning)  

It really seemed prominent this morning shopping with my mom.  I don't come to this store that much ( maybe once every few years.  And having ten people going one way and same with the other direction and so many conversations.  But i think it is more than just my CP , there is my hearing, and my overall sensory tolerance with my anxiety levels.  It sets me in an almost frozen stance or making stupid moves everyone else takes for granted that you just don't do. Fight or flight?  That "can't do anything right so don't do anything at all" mentality, or there is just too many signals going and i will choose the wrong signal- I was awful as a kid crossing the street- looking then suddenly sprinting because i misread a signal. My mom kindly reminded me that i battled with this issue for years - nothing new but with her seeing just me now, she was reminded how I get - is this also a form of a learning disability. The inability to handle too much information at once - otherwise known as sensory overload and being unable to make an appropriate decision. Or is just the complete awkwardness of not trusting how my own body will work. - stairs freaked me out for years - still does- and then the thought of a crowd racing behind me on stairs and me not having anything to grasp - in highschool we had to run the bleachers most of which had no rails threw me into levels of fear and nightmares. The teachers would never understand though they knew i battled with CP, seems ironic now really- teachers knowing that you face these physical limitations but putting you in a postion that is really quite dangerous. They knew i could walk almost as good as most kids.  But there were limitations. Begging not to do it would have been pointless. Getting a note from my Doctor or principal was equally fruitless. ( maybe it would have been something- no i needed to slip on the stairs and twist my ankle for them to realise exactly how unstable i was on the stairs.   But yes crowds going just make me terrified it is like the movies where everything is speeding and you are stopped and in observance, and you are unsure what move to make.  Every move feels like it will cause an accident. Then you decide to throw caution to the wind,  and just go regardless what mistake you are going to make because odds are that you will make a mistake anyways.