am I of a lesser league of artist because of my illness?

well after thursdays meeting, old themes resonated again, its not the first time someone made my concerns to be of lesser value- i have dealt with constantly in school while i was being bullied so when i was hearing it from a couple people again on thursday alarm bells rang.  i have always tried to be "normal" as possible. I went to a normal school graduated from diploma programs, I was the teacher assistant. I went to africa to teach computers for four months. I learned and passed my Goethe exam. I had two children and then got really Ill.  I also published a collection of poetry. I write essays. as well as paint. funny I always painted as a child but I was in the shadow of my mother. she really is a talented artist herself who bears herself up constantly.  (she makes me look lazy when it comes to my homework. But she knows what she loves and what makes time stand still- its gardening. something i could never really do.  we have something else in common we both lived with the insidiousness of abuseverbal and physical. hers stopped when my dad took his own life in front of us- he blamed her for his misery. mine stopped because i ended up so sick i was gone through different hospitals and clinics until I had someone I felt safe enough to say what was going on.  I didn't trust many authority figures for a long time. and when I realised that the nurse responsible to help me was also an equal.  as was my therapist. I could finally open up and that led to a portion of my healing. but the worst damage had been done. the insults, the disregard of my word,  so of course that would ring trigger bells  three years later.  So because I battle Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder  and Borderline Personality I am of less value than another developed artist. he better think again. actually if an artist thinks they are in a better league than those with an illness better look in a mirror because he may have found his foot in his mouth- and karma will find him.

I may have been a bit of a princess in the last show.  but I held my end of the bargain. I did the painting with Kids, but I learned that through my energy levels thats not for me.

I am of a different league of artists than some- but I am not a lesser person or a lesser league and anyone who notices my work gets that. 

I went to an art class there was another girl there that also battled a physical disability but she is a wonderful artist- and understanding how Cerebral palsy challges us with our motor skills she was still accepted in the class and the teacher just gently reminded her how good she was doing. that same teacher was saying about how i came from switzerland to visit her class, how I am a talented artist, and writer. My mom knew how to compensate for my challenges, just like this other girl. and the other classmates didn't pay attention to that they were too busy trying to follow the instructions and get the painting done in our limited amount of time. thank goodness we were painting with acrylics- the painting would have been ruined by a cup of water my mom and I somehow knocked over( some serious time loss there.  and this artisit still follows me on facebook if I post new paintings.and of course I follow her work. As artisits we love praise for our work. You don't look at a painting and say that artist is of such a league because she has a disability of sorts. if you didn't know me you would think i was in the same class as my mother as an artist - shes got about 45 years more experience than me, and she has been one of my best teachers showing me techniques and famous artists or finding it fun to visit art shows at the big gallery in Vancouver, or going to basel when she comes.  she is how i came to understand the influence of art in religion.   and I hope to teach my daughter and my son that one day.  I can see my daughter looks through a camera and hopefully soon a piano. she sings too ( way better than me but is so shy)  my son breathes through a paintbrush and a guitar. ( and probably the drums (he picks up a beat through observation) 

a friend reminded me also that we don't want our illness to define us, our talent comes first and by the way we face challenges because we face an illness we are able to express these challenges in a way that is not obvious.

I have never fit in with the "normal" crowd my whole life, but i am not going to be insulted constantly for it. I am also considered of a league at my art studio because i know the value of quality colors of acrylic colors. but I am no where near a better league than my fellow painters. i have a different style and find it an opportunity to learn from my fellow artists. I am still defining my style. and I am finding my voice as a writer again.  but finding how i can finally help others and still stand for who I am.  I will not be a victim but I will also not stand there and allow someone to insult my friends or myself.  Then the mother defensive mode will kick in.