If you know you're weak, thats makes you strong

Yesterday was self-harm awareness day,  and it made me consider what it was that I felt when I made my first cuts.  

I am not new to have bloodwork done, but i will remember as a child the fight of fear when the blood would be taken. Being labeled a difficult patient(my veins were small and out of fear i would kick and scream)  and when the blood was taken there was the release, that ability to breathe, the release of nurses.  And i would see the blood in the syringe and the expression of relief in the nursen the lab. 

And as I discovered i wouldn't feel it as i would start to run the piece of glass across the back of my wrist i felt that surge of releif.  I had seen others with scars up their arms and legs. I couldn't understand how all said that my cuts were superficial because they healed so quickly. I just have a thicker skin. I guess i have a thicker skin because I needed it through my life with constant pokes and prods. I was born with a rare genetic disorder and was regularly subjected to tests. I grew up comforable with changes in doctors. So changes in clinics for my care was nothing new. But this last clinic was going to be diffierent. This group of doctors and therapists would know this time I needed someone  to stay with me through a huge rollercoaster. . I needed somebody to help me because I knew i was so weak, and in that weakness i learned how strong I was going to be.